Jan 3, 2017

January without TV | Lonely - but eager to go out


Today I worked from home (I generally do this 2 days a week). I knew that lunch without TV would be hard, since I always watch something to distract myself while I eat. And yes, it was hard. And it was also weird. Just eating... Do people still do that? I felt my anxiety and sadness (old friends of mine) louder than usual. I felt lonely. I knew that this would happen - I know how much I (and we, in general) use the TV to create the illusion of being in company. I think that TV (and, of course, the internet) really succeeds in making us feel less lonely - at least in the short term. But I also believe that, precisely because of that, it tends to make us less willing to engage with the real world. At least I know that's what happens with me. And today I really felt it. I'm living in an apartment in an area where I know pretty much no one besides my boyfriend - we picked this place just because it stands midway between the cities where we work. It's also a place that's not very 'walkable', so going for a short walk during the day is not something that I feel very motivated to do. This means that a day spent working from home is a day where I pretty much don't see or speak with anyone besides B.. So TV does create a sense of company when I'm here all alone. Not having it today makes me much more eager to go to work tomorrow - and see real life people and trees and the sky... Now this is weird! I'm an introvert who doesn't feel this kind of stuff often. But maybe this is good...

So, I wanted to see what was here, within me, below the TV noise. I knew it wasn't pretty. But I need to know exactly how I've been pacifying and soothing these feelings and if there are better ways to do so...


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